Transcript 0:00 [upbeat music] Can we just camp on that just for a second? Sure. How... You're talking about raising your happiness set point. How do you become happy for no reason? Yes. So talk a little bit more about that. 0:14 The happiness that comes from inside, 0:18 and it comes from practicing habits of happiness, of knowing that you always have wellbeing inside of you, that that, that it really is our natural state of being, but we often let other things cloud that or get in the way of that. 0:35 And so it's learning about 50% of our happiness is DNA. So if you have children, you're probably aware that they come into the world with different demeanors. Your [laughs] versus... Yes. [laughs] Yeah. 0:51 [laughs] Versus a, a child that has more of a sunny disposition. 0:54 But then 50% of it really is up to us, and so it's really taking ownership of, hey, I'm in charge of my own happiness, and I realize there's a lot of advantage to me being happier because it impacts my health and wellbeing. 1:11 It impacts my ability to solve problems. It impacts my ability to connect to other people. It impacts my ability to see possibilities. Yeah. It impacts my ability to be resilient. 1:24 That happiness set point is important because sometimes people chase for that in a career when, in fact, happiness has to come from within. Yeah. 1:34 And, and a career is still, although it's a part of you and a part of your identity, it's still an, an, an external factor of happiness. Yeah. 1:45 [upbeat music] Welcome to Titans of Transition, featuring real-life stories, anecdotes, and inspiration about pivotal career moments from leaders who have been there. 1:57 Join host Joe Miller, former scientist and senior technology leader turned executive coach, as he unpacks transitional moments to help inspire change. 2:13 Carmen Cronquist, welcome to Titans of Transition Podcast today. Thank you, Joe. So glad to be here. Thank you for featuring me. 2:21 [laughs] I'm really pleased to do that, and, uh, we know each other from the John Maxwell team. 2:26 We were at the same table at one of their large meetings several years ago, and I was really happy to see a posting in LinkedIn that you had won a National Career Development Association award. 2:41 And why don't we start with that, and we'll get into talking about your transitions and what your area is and what you do. So tell us about that award, if you would. Okay. Thank you. 2:52 This is another experience of getting something during COVID in a very surprising and unexpected way. Beautiful. So here's the award. 3:00 It's a see-through thing, but it's from the National Career Development Association, and it was awarded to me based on an article I wrote for their Career Developments magazine. 3:11 And it was for career counselors and practitioners, and it was... The article was all about how you use the power of the group connection to really harness a career class. 3:25 So that's, that was the essence was I was often approached by people who were teaching career, career development classes, like how do you get people interested 3:34 in something that they just think is not worth their time and energy? And in, in my case, when I taught- Mm-hmm... 3:42 this class, it was to licensed professional counselors in Minnesota who were heading into the mental health profession and had this requirement by the Minnesota State Board that they had to take a career development class. 3:58 So I was always meeting with this resistance of people coming in saying, "Why do I have to take this class? It has nothing to do with being a mental health counselor." 4:05 [laughs] "And I'll never have to help people with career stuff." And so that was always my fun challenge, like how do I make this relevant to them so they see- Mm... the importance of it? 4:18 And my way of doing that was to make it like a group counseling/therapy class, but I made it all about their own career. And people could see their own transitions- Uh huh... 4:30 and how they had to reinvent themselves, but they could also see where other people were in their own journey. 4:39 And they began to realize that people will often show up to mental health counselors because there are issues with career- Yeah... that lead to stress and fears. And y- how do you make a transition? 4:55 How do you reinvent yourself? How do you, how do you make that leap from one place to another? And so the whole award was just telling the story of what made that class so incredibly successful. 5:10 And you touched on one thing I just wanted to explore a little bit with you, and that was you put them in the situation of talking about their own careers, right? Exactly. To, to, to try to- Right from day one. 5:22 Yeah, to make connection. So that was a big shift in order for... They were resistant, but, but when you actually made it about them, then I think they started to connect with it. Is that right? 5:33 They did, because so many of them hadn't given a thought to their own career and what they were putting out there. So there was the element of how do you help people with the whole self-assessment process? Guess what? 5:46 We're gonna do it experientially. Uh-huh. Yeah, there you go. So they would come away with more insights and self-awareness, but then we also had the part about how do you tell your story going forward? 5:58 And one of the assignments that they had at the very end was to do a career portfolio. Which is something that I advocate for all of my clients. 6:07 I believe it's probably one of the most dynamic tools that you can use for your own personal and professional development, but to also offer some stories and talking points when you get into an interview. 6:20 So what they were forced to do was to pull everything together about who they were as a professional entering the mental health field, and they had to do a presentation on the draft- Ah... to the rest of the class. 6:36 And it was an assignment that people often resisted, but once they got into it, they were into it. 6:43 It was all about pulling together things that they'd done and their skills and their examples, their credentials, the things that they were passionate about, their mission statement, who they wanted to be as a c- a counselor in the field- Yeah... 6:57 and what they had to offer, and it boosted their confidence. And by having to present it in front of the class, we did it as, as a, "Hey, here's your draft. 7:08 Share it with your colleagues in class and be open to feedback on how it could be better." And so then they had to go back and finalize it to turn it into me as a final project. But all along the way, it, it helped them 7:25 learn about their story, own their story- Yeah... and think about how they're gonna tell their story going forward. So it was incredibly valuable, and it helped them in interviews, it helped them with promotions 7:39 that were internal. So I, I kept getting these thank you letters afterwards. I really didn't wanna do that. [laughs] It seemed like a lot of work, but- Yeah... it helped me out so much. Yeah, that's interesting. 7:51 I, a couple thoughts come to mind is engaged as they are with other people trying to help them, the... And, and, and you don't wanna make it about you when you're trying to help. 8:01 As a coach, I don't wanna make it about me. It's about the person I'm coaching. That there isn't a lot of space for that, for number one. 8:09 And the other side of it is that in order to make a connection, there n- needs to be some leading of being transparent with per- the other person you're talking to. Right. 8:20 So it, it's not all just head knowledge and information. It, it be... There's an emotive part of this connection in order to really help, 8:29 and that engagement part comes from you understanding and having gone through the exploration process on your own, as you s- called it, portfolio. Is it like a timeline of the journey that- Right... they went through? 8:43 Is that the, the idea? Well, you could organize it in different ways. Okay. But the timeline of their journey was one of the first activities I had them do in the class, was you're here now. What made, what got you here? 8:56 Yeah. 8:57 And we had them go back to birth and really think about who influenced them on their career, what were the high points, what were the low points, where were points along their journey where they gained a lot of self-awareness, where did they take their biggest risks and what happened as a consequence, and how did their values change over time? 9:18 So thinking about how they started their career and what was important to them, but where they are now what's important to you- Yeah... because some of those things do change. 9:27 And is there any threads that go across that- Right... whole and how have they come to their current understanding of why they're here, those bigger questions- Right... in life and why they're doing what they're doing? 9:39 That's fascinating. So you wrote an article about that, and then you got an award for that article. Yeah. So that probably opened up a lot of different connections and conversations for you going forward. 9:51 It, it, I think it would've opened up even more had this conference been held in person. [laughs] Oh. [laughs] Oh, that's like today too. Yeah. 9:59 So this conference was supposed to have been held in Minneapolis, which- Oh, yeah... I live in Wisconsin, but I'm, I'm half an hour from downtown Minneapolis. Yeah. 10:06 So it would've been a nice one in my backyard, this huge national conference. And so I didn't know I was getting this award. 10:14 I had submitted a pro- proposal to speak at this conference, and I would've been there as a participant, but then everything went virtual, and all of a sudden this award showed up in the mail. 10:25 And then on the day that I received the award, then a notice went out on LinkedIn and through other media and through email who the re- award recipients were, and I was just stunned. Like, where did this come from? 10:40 I didn't know I was up for this. It was one of those, I don't know, moments of- It was a nice surprise... sw- sweet s- surprise and serenity. Yeah. [laughs] Yeah. So let me pivot a little bit and ask you- Yeah... 10:52 te- tell us a little about what you currently are doing, just like the 50,000, 75,000 foot level, and then we can get into your journey and your portfolio, because that's the format actually of my interviews, is that I, I like to talk about some key transitions and learnings associated with that so people who are looking to transition effectively have some good tools, if you will, for them to do that. 11:17 I'm happy to share that. I'll give you the brief version on what I'm doing now. Okay. And then I'll share two transitions. One was a planned one where I was leaving and laying the groundwork for my next venture. Okay. 11:34 And the second, uh, story is when I suddenly got a pink slip because that position was cut. Oh, boy. Yeah. And then how did that next transition evolve? 11:46 And so what I'm doing right now, I've been given the unique opportunity to really focus on a private practice. I, I believe I became an entrepreneur by planned happenstance. I have to credit my- Planned happenstance. 12:00 I love that term... planned happenstance. [laughs] I have to credit my friend, um, John Krumboltz, who passed away two years ago but was a dear mentor and friend, for coining that term. 12:10 And he wrote a book called Luck Is No Accident: Using Planned Happenstance For Your Career. And I just love that concept because so often we want things, and we can often get really stuck on the how it's gonna happen, 12:29 and miss the little beautiful synchronies that are laid out before us in terms of people, and resources, and opportunities. Mm-hmm. 12:39 And so therefore, planned happenstance is we have that happening to us all the time, but it's really how do you create more of your own luck? 12:48 So what I do right now, I do one-on-one coaching, I do public speaking of the motivational nature, and most of that's been Zoom lately because- Yeah... 12:59 I usually speak in person at conferences and for associations to practitioners, and others, and to leaders, and this last year it's, it's been canceled or gone online. 13:11 So I do a combination of that, but what is unique about what I do, I help people with career life purpose. I really enjoy that facet of the transition piece. That's my little secret sauce- Uh-huh... 13:25 in the Titans of Transition- Yeah... scheme of things. I like helping people have that insight and awareness of what really inspires them and what might be fun to do next. 13:36 And it led me to a new way of helping with that called Theta Healing. So Theta Healing is using a Theta state, a Theta brain wave- Hmm... to co-create with someone, 13:51 to have a better sense of what kind of programs might be operating in their subconscious. 13:57 And usually they're fear-based ones that are getting in the way of a transition, where someone's like, "I'm too old," or, "I don't have the perfect qualifications for that next thing," or, "I missed opportunities before," or, "I'm just, I'm not feeling confident. 14:14 I've been unemployed for a while, and I've, I feel rejected, and I've lost my confidence." So the Theta Healing really helps understand 14:25 what kind of subconscious programming is getting in the way, and you remove it and you replace it- Hmm... so that people align completely with where they're heading. 14:36 And, and it, it helps make the whole process very transformational and it speeds it along in a- So-... in a really magical way. Theta brain waves, is that what- Yes... you're talking about? So there's gotta be... 14:50 Is there some technology aspect to this? Do, do you listen to things? Is there... Just curious as to how does that actually show up in, in your practice in a physical- Sure... sense. Um, usually I, I have to sneak it in. 15:04 [laughs] Yeah. Or people run for the hills maybe. Because when I started using this, initially I belonged to a mastermind for 12 years, and probably longer now. 15:14 Just a really great group of people who are in the space of career development, career coaching, leadership coaching, helping people with transitions and personal growth. 15:26 And everyone just said when they heard about the Theta Healing, "That just sounds really woo-woo, Carmen." [laughs] And I was cautioned against this. Hmm. 15:36 And so my way of using it was, first of all, I had to get comfortable and practice a lot so I felt confident in my ability to use this technique. 15:47 And then I started to, to, to just offer it because I would get hits on people's programs where they were having issues- Hmm... where they felt stuck. And, and so I would suggest a Theta session to move beyond it. 16:02 And then I started getting the thank yous. Just like the career portfolio, I would get the feedback from the Theta Healing, "Wow, I felt everything shift." Wow. "I feel so much lighter. I'm in the flow." 16:13 And then suddenly things would happen very quickly to them. And it just... For me, the reward is being part of their c- co-creation. I'm being the witness- Right... to a miracle. 16:27 And I, I'm part of that journey, but I'm co-creating with them in a way that's just, it's, it's hard to explain it. It, it's- Okay... incredible. There's a lot to it. But, I mean- There is... 16:40 we were, I guess we were trying to stay at the high level here anyway to get into your transitions. Right. 16:44 So we can come back to that, and maybe what you can do, too, is after the call here, is provide some additional information that I can put in the show notes, but- Sure. Let's talk a little bit about 16:56 y- your first transition yourself if we can. And number one, you have an educational back- background that I think we should probably highlight that ties into what you're doing today. Right. Yeah. Yeah. 17:07 I went back to graduate school about three years after getting my undergraduate degree. 17:13 And i- i- so I, I got a master's degree in counseling because the only way that you could enter the field of higher education as a counselor of any kind was to get a master's degree in counseling psychology at the time. 17:28 So that's where I started. That's over 30 years ago- Mm-hmm... so I'm dating myself. So I've been around for a long time. [laughs] Been around for a long time. And I started with a general sense of counseling. Okay. 17:41 But I zeroed in on the career part because it was so positive, and it's something that we all deal with, is how do we- Yeah... figure out what we wanna do? How do we figure out what we're excited to do or meant to do? 17:57 And then when that gets old, how do we know how to move on? Yeah. And the career counseling was rewarding, just because I got to see people make very concrete and positive changes. So I started out in higher education. 18:11 I first worked at the University of Minnesota, and leapt- To a job at the University of Wisconsin-River Falls, and I was there for 17 years. So I was there for a long time, 18:23 and within the first year of being there, I was promoted to being the director of the career services office. Hmm. And I'm not worthy. Ah. [laughs] They want me to be a leader? Hmm. 18:34 But it allowed me to really create, to get a sense of what was working and wasn't in terms of providing services to students, and what we, what could we do to reach more students? 18:45 And so the job was a lot of fun for many years, and then things changed. Hmm. Things were changing at work. 18:54 I had a number of people who retired or moved on to different opportunities, so my entire staff that I'd built up and mentored left. Hmm. And then all of a sudden, the politics changed upward. Yeah. 19:08 So we didn't get a raise for nine years. Hmm. People at that campus got to be crispy critters, as I call them. [laughs] People were now unhappy. Yeah. And, and so what was satisfying f- to me for a long time 19:23 no longer was. Hmm. So I started thinking about what could I do, and I went on to add coaching credentials to my bailiwick. So I took a, I, I took a number of coaching... I, my very first one was I won 19:38 a law of attraction coaching program. Wow. So my very first coaching certification was as a law of attraction coach, and I used it to manifest four free trips to Europe. So that was incredible and amazing- Hmm... 19:54 and it really helped me see possibilities. And so I started to add more coaching to my bailiwick, and then I was asked to teach a class at Adler Graduate School. 20:05 And this was, it tied into that award to create a, a class for licensed professional counselors. I had never taught this before, and so it was a, it was a steep learning curve. 20:19 But it led to something that I really loved, and it provided a link because they were just thinking about creating a program in that area that students could pursue. 20:29 They could learn how to become a career coach or counselor, and they also had a need for c- career services for their students. So I, I felt like I was in limbo with this transition for a while. Hmm. 20:42 'Cause there was the gold right there, and I had to be patient for it because I knew that I was their top candidate. I was actually, in effect, creating my own position. Hmm. 20:53 But unfortunately, at the same time, the position that I held at UW-River Falls became untenable. Hmm. 21:01 It just became more and more toxic, and I could have leapt and had a bridge job in between, but I stayed the course and waited until this opportunity finally emerged. So I had a, what I would say two years of purgatory. 21:17 Yeah, that's tough, 'cause y- you're, you're seeing the potential way ahead, and you're tolerating, to use coaching lingo- Right... 21:25 you're, you're tolerating this situation which really wasn't good for you, and to try to balance when it was time to make a shift or make that transition. 21:35 It was, because it, it made me so much aware of y- how you can go from looking forward to going to work in the morning and being excited about what you do to dreading it. Yeah. Yeah. 21:49 And I didn't like being in that space. [laughs] I don't know if very many people do. No. [laughs] It gave me a lot of empathy for my clients. It gave me... 21:58 I always thought I had a lot of compassion, empathy, but it gave me even more for what people are going through in the middle of a transition. Yeah. And I had the golden handcuffs. I had great benefits. Mm-hmm. 22:08 I had a short commute. Yeah. I had a lot of things that could have kept me in that position, but I really- So what pushed you over the, what pushed you over the hump, so to speak? 22:19 When did those scales balance to the point where it was time to make a shift, or how did that come about? I had the carrot being dragged out in front of me. Yeah. 22:28 But also it j- it, it was almost like the two by four of th- the job just became so unpleasant- Yeah... and negative, and I was feeling like I was losing myself. Yeah. So I... That's pretty common, right? Mm-hmm. 22:42 You teach this stuff, but we are pre-wired with our lower brain [laughs] from evolutionary biology standpoint for safety. So even if it's not great, 22:56 you're, you're, you're prioritized to stay with that until the pain becomes so high or the draw is so strong, until that signal can overcome that prioritization towards safety, you won't make a change. 23:14 So something must have tipped it. Yeah. It just, it, it was the politics of the place, and I just disengaged, and at the same time, I was going through a divorce. Yeah. 23:24 So I had changes happening in my personal life that were... I had a lot of things going on then. It was too much. Yeah, it was just too much. Yeah. 23:32 And, and so I just, like I said, kept my eyes on the prize, knowing that- Yeah... this opportunity was going to come through. I just was hoping it would come through more quickly- Yeah... 23:42 so I didn't have to go through that pain. But ultimately, what I learned is the universe had my back. 23:48 It was leading me on to something better, al- albeit different, and it was forcing me to learn some new skills and grow. Hmm. And I think sometimes we're afraid of that growth- Yeah... because it can be uncomfortable. 24:01 Yeah, and, and- Growth and change are not always comfortable. No. 24:05 [laughs] And as you said, having, going through that uncomfortable period gave you a greater degree of being able to con- connect with your clients in the future. It did. You know? 24:15 And that empathy, have that strong empathy in the future. Yes. So what was next? So then- So did you end up going there? Did you get an offer from them? Yeah. Or... Yeah? Yeah. Okay. I did. 24:27 And it was actually, it, it was nice because it was like a three-quarter-time position because I still had my teaching on the side for that same institution. I was still a faculty member there. Mm-hmm. Okay. 24:40 And I had this budding private practice from coaching, which I never, I had- I didn't have a website, and I didn't market. I didn't give any attention to it. You must have attracted it. [laughs] But I attracted it. 24:56 I, every time I thought, "I need a little extra money," or whatever- [laughs]... I would attract in a couple of really cool clients. Yeah. It would, it was the serendipity. 25:05 I would put it out there, and suddenly there would be somebody or a referral. I wrote some articles for, for the Minneapolis Star Tribune that gave me some nice visibility. I was visible in professional associations. 25:17 Those kinds of things lent themselves to being referred. Yeah. And also the public speaking. But I really never saw myself as, as being a full-time solopreneur so, so to speak. 25:29 So my second transition was I'm into Adler Graduate School. I'm there for almost six years as a staff member, and I create this career coaching program. 25:45 So it's a combination of coaching and counseling. Mm-hmm. It leads to a master's degree, 25:52 and initially, it was a quick add-on for our current students who were already there who thought they might wanna learn a little bit more on how to help people with careers, or often people who took the class thought it was exciting, 26:07 that, "That sounds like a more fun area of counseling- Yeah... than what I was thinking." [laughs] And so it became, my class that I taught on career development became a recruitment tool for the current students there. 26:21 I was pressured by our administration, though, to, to turn it into a certificate- Hmm... and put it online. And what happened is that the ability to get financial assistance for that program dried up. Yeah. 26:36 And I didn't realize that was a consequence. That was one of those unintended- Yeah... consequences that happened. So fast-forward, and all of a sudden, I'm called into the office one day. 26:49 I had a lot of, again, it's six years later, and suddenly things are happening in my personal life, too. Hmm. I had three people in my life that were very sick with cancer. 27:00 One of them, a friend, died within two weeks of being diagnosed. Wow. 27:05 And I was in a relationship in which I was very happy that I thought was leading to something permanent, and all of a sudden this individual decided to end the relationship out of the blue. 27:17 It was the day after Thanksgiving, and I was not given a reason. Hmm. And one of my side gigs, I had this great 27:27 side gig that I was doing for one of the Big Four accounting firms on personal branding, and it brought in a lot of money. All of a sudden, that went away. So it was this number of things happening. Hmm. 27:40 And I go in, and I'm called into the conference room, and I'm just, I'm told that due to low enrollment, we're gonna cut your program. Oh, boy. 27:51 And I just remember sitting there and the emotions that went through me at the time, and I think I, I, I was so overwhelmed with other changes and factors, again, and th- th- there was this tiny little bit of relief 28:09 perhaps. Wow, maybe I can figure out how to have my own business full time now. But there was a lot of fear. Sure. There was a lot of fear of, what am I gonna do next? How am I gonna pay the bills? 28:24 And it was multiple fronts, Carmen, like you said, in your personal life, and yeah, it was multiple fronts all at the same time, relatively speaking, all together. 28:34 And, and you always- It'd be one thing to weather the storm in one area. [laughs] I know. And I always think that if you have a good support system- Yeah... making a transition's always a little bit easier. 28:44 And the guy that I was dating at the time, he was a great support system- Mm... and all of a sudden he was gone. Oh, boy. And other people significant to me, one of my best friends was suddenly gone. Ugh. Passed away. 28:59 And so it was just a lot, like- Yeah... and a lot of grief and a lot of that dark night of the soul. Sure. Sure, so- Dark soul of the night. [laughs] That too. 29:12 So this was one of those ones that was thrust upon you on multiple fronts- It was... and transitions. It was a lot. 29:19 So going forward from there, if it were me, I probably would've headed for the hills or something [laughs] to get away from it all for a few weeks to try to get my head together. What did, how did you cope with that? 29:32 One of the very first things that I did, and, and it seems like a counterintuitive thing, but I decided it was time to release clutter because I, I think that people carry emotional clutter- Oh, that's interesting. 29:45 Yeah... and they carry physical clutter. So because I was feeling despondent at the very least and a lot of grief, and I really had to work through those dark emotions, those tough emotions, 29:59 I got rid of a lot of physical clutter first. I went through my house, and I purged, and I asked the question, is it beautiful cl- i- i- is this thing beautiful, practical, and/or do I love it? 30:16 Or if it was a piece of clothing, does it make me look like a 10? [laughs] There you go. 'Cause if it doesn't, b- bye now. Yeah. And I took 12 loads to Goodwill. That's a lot [laughs] And I over-purged. 30:28 There were a few things later I'm like, "Did I really get rid of that?" It's, ah, I think I'll never use a quesadilla maker again, but all of a sudden- [laughs]... it was like, I wanna make some ques- you know. 30:37 But I purged a lot of things. 30:39 But I also had to look at emotionally what was I holding onto in terms of regrets, in terms of self, where I was lacking self-compassion, in terms of forgiveness, because I had some anger there- Sure... 30:54 in regards to the politics of my position and, and my program being cut. I had some healing to do. 31:03 So I really had to look, where was I holding on to resentment, fear, anger, some of those dark emotions, and work through them. And look at... 31:15 I used to always say the word, what were, what, what was the lesson and the gift so I don't recreate- Hmm... this again so I can move forward? And I've recently had to rethink that 31:27 because not everything is a gift, and sometimes it, it's just an opportunity for growth. Yeah. Sometimes it's, it- you still can't look at on, you can't put lipstick on the pig- [laughs] Yeah... 31:39 and really think that- Well-... it's really a gift when some transitions are really that painful. Yeah. So I had to reframe it and make meaning of it, and I looked at it as an opportunity for growth. 31:53 So where did I wanna grow? Where did it... To get to that point of possibilities and excitement, I had to get myself back into the element of curiosity. Hmm. How could I look at myself as a learner about myself? Mm-hmm. 32:09 And how could I look at myself as a learner in terms of what might be fun to do next so that I could move a brick forward and not get overwhelmed by all that I had to do? Hmm. 32:24 Because I think that's where transitions get difficult for people. It's that, what I call lost in the wilderness phase, when you're in the middle of that transition. 32:34 It's right between, you've got beginnings and un- un, uh, and, and endings. Mm-hmm. And you've ended something, but before you can begin something new, there's that lost in the wilderness of, who am I? 32:48 What am I bringing forward to- Right... my next adventure? And I'm, I'm a little bit lost- Yeah... but how do I keep moving one step forward little by little? Yeah. In, in coaching people, I see that a lot. 33:04 And sometimes you just have to explore what are some small moves you can make, and you took the, kind of the clean sweep approach physically, and then you started going and doing essentially the same thing emotionally. 33:17 But what are some small things in order to build some confidence along the way and get out- That's right... of the mindset that I have to be at the end destination right now? 33:28 And so it, it's just a practical, I think, tool to helps us move forward. So I'm wondering, did you identify some things like that and start moving and gaining traction that way? Yes. 33:41 And this is where the clearing clutter was valuable. When you have too much clutter, it creates confusion. Yeah. It creates too much heaviness. It, it blocks your energy flow, and everything is energy anyway. Yeah. 33:56 We are all energy, and we're always putting energy out to the universe. And in order to create something new, sometimes you have to create a vacuum or a void. 34:06 So it was appreciating that, and that was a really important step, and a lot of people don't make room for that, and I would say that would be my number one piece of advice. 34:17 And then I started pulling together my own self-assessment pieces, and for the first time in my life, I also qualified for some dislocated worker money. Hmm. I've always paid for my education, and h- therein 34:35 is how I met you at the- Yeah... John Maxwell. I am sitting- Around the table [laughs] Right. Yeah. So I qualified to take on some training 34:47 and, and made a strong case to take on the John Maxwell program to advance my leadership coaching to another level and my public speaking coaching to another level. 34:58 And so it also led me to a, a big interest in neuroscience because I was interested in the brain. How do you make change more quickly? How do you increase your happiness set point? 35:12 How do you cr- increase your worthiness set point? Because if you want something new and you don't think you're worthy of having it, you're not gonna have it. Hmm. You're gonna find ways to sabotage. 35:25 So some of that training added to new cr- credentials, so I, I spent some time and energy in just learning 35:34 and beefing up what I already had to offer and then ultimately decided I've got this little private practice thing going here- Yeah... and I keep getting clients without a lot of effort. 35:49 What if I put a little bit of effort to that? And- What if I paid attention to that? [laughs] Yeah. What if I got over the fear that I'm not worthy or capable- Mm-hmm... of running my own business- Right... 36:01 and stepped into that space and realized I have a lot of gifts and expertise and experiences to offer to, to clients? I have new tools now, but I have tools that w- have worked really well in the past. 36:18 How do I continue to be in a teacher mode? Because I really like educating others. What do I have to give? And it really helped make that transition. I'm still figuring things out. I'm- Sure... 36:31 still haven't- We all are... completely figured out technology. I still don't have the perfect website. Yeah. I still am not sure quite how to market the theta healing portion of what I do. Uh-huh. 36:43 So I always throw it in there- Yes... so people have a chance to experience it, because then I get referrals from that one as well. 36:53 But just because it's so unique and different, I often just throw it into a career coaching package. And what it helps with is mindset- Yeah... 37:02 because what I realized, critical to this whole process, was my whole mindset about my ability to make a transition, about my ability to run a business, about integrating new tools, 37:16 about my ability to let go of the past too, in order to really embrace the now- Yeah... and the future. Mindset's huge. If we think about our, like, conditioning to stay safe, our lower brain, our evolutionary- Right... 37:31 biology wiring, and the prioritization towards that, then anything that amplifies, 37:39 I'll call it crossing what that chasm of fear is really like, how big it is, anything that amplifies that, whether it's conditioning we have had, messages we have had from outside of ourselves, or even messages we've amplified in our own mindset and thinking- Right... 37:56 keeps us stuck. And yeah, so I think mindset is huge. And so anything that can positively impact that and our ability to 38:08 do a clean sweep on erroneous thinking, erroneous self-identification, paradigms that need to be blown up, thrown out the door- Mm-hmm... is important. 38:21 So I, I, I initially opened my business in 2003, and it, it sat there as this little baby thing. Off to the side? Yeah. And so when did everything change? When my job went away- Mm-hmm, yeah... was 2016. Yeah. 38:41 And so for the past five years, it's been an evolution of growth and learning and changing and manifesting- Yep. There you go... and perfecting my craft. It's a journey. Trying out new things. It's definitely a journey. 38:59 So l- at this point I'd like to pivot a little bit. Mm-hmm. And 39:04 y- you've touched on a few things you said were key learnings, but, but for the benefit of people tuning in, they're finding this podcast because they're probably curious about how to better manage their own transitions. 39:16 What kind of advice could you summarize up for us in terms of things that you think are very beneficial? 39:25 The universe always has your back, so trust that when a change is happening, you've suddenly got an opportunity for growth, and you could do it joyfully or painfully. Mm-hmm. Doesn't matter. Mm-hmm. 39:37 But how do you get into a mindset that you can do it joyfully? 39:41 How can you make this whole process like a scavenger hunt where you're looking for the next clue or the next nibble to move you in the right direction, trusting that you're constantly gonna gain more awareness, that you don't have to know exactly the end journey, 39:59 but you can enjoy that process of self-discovery because it's a powerful time of, of creating? I would say work through the emotions- Mm-hmm... that you have to in order to make a transition a successful one. 40:13 So what do you have to unload so you can get to that point of raising your happiness set point? Because a career is part of your happiness core. How do you become happy for no reason, though? 40:26 Regardless of your career, this is your life. Yeah. That's interesting. How do you get connected? Like, can we just camp on that just for a second? How- Sure... you're talking about raising your happiness set point. 40:35 How do you become happy for no reason? Yes. So talk a little bit more about that. I have a great book on the topic called that, and happy for no reason is that, the happiness that comes from inside, 40:52 and it comes from practicing habits of happiness, of knowing that you always have wellbeing inside of you, that, that it really is our natural state of being, 41:03 but we often let other things cloud that or get in the way of that. And so it's learning about... 50% of our happiness is DNA. 41:13 So if you have children, you're probably aware that they come into the world with different demeanors. Your [laughs] versus... Yes. [laughs] Yeah. [laughs] Versus a, a child that has more of a sunny disposition. Yeah. 41:28 But then 50% of it really is up to us, and so it's really taking ownership of, "Hey, I'm in charge of my own happiness, and I realize there's a lot of advantage to me being happier because it impacts my health and wellbeing. 41:45 It impacts my ability to solve problems. It impacts my ability to connect to other people. It impacts my ability to see possibilities." Yeah. It impacts my ability to be resilient. 41:58 That happiness set point is important because sometimes people chase for that in a career when in fact happiness has to come from within. Yeah. 42:08 And, and a career is still, although it's a part of you and a part of your identity, it's still an, an external factor of happiness. Yeah. It's realizing that no matter my circumstances, 42:25 to quote Victor Frankl- Oh, wow. Yeah... who wrote Man's Search for Re- Meaning, who proposed you can find happiness in even the most dire of circumstances. 42:36 He wrote Man's Search for Meaning based on his experience of being a Holocaust survivor. And it was all about how do you find a reason to get up in the morning? 42:47 How do you make meaning even during a transition or even when you're going through a tough time? How do you make meaning of that? And because we always have gifts that are waiting to be expressed. 43:03 Some other things that I think are important is to be aware of what expands you, makes you happier. Mm-hmm. You can feel that energy in your heart chakra, in your heart space. 43:16 You feel when you're in, in sync with your flow. You have a feeling of that because you feel energized. Mm-hmm. You feel expansive. You feel like you're of service. You feel like what you're doing is on purpose. 43:35 But when you feel contracted, constricted, lethargic, unworthy, that's when you're being turned away from the things that you want. 43:48 So it's being aware that we have contrast in our life because it creates clarity. Yeah. So what kind of contrast is helping you create some clarity right now? 43:58 Yeah, I really resonate with that, Carmen, especially in, on the, the negative example of if you're feeling drained, if an, an individual's feeling drained all the time 44:08 around what they're doing, their career, whatever, that's a real positive signal that it's time to move. [laughs] Right. Or change what you're doing. [laughs] Yeah. Yeah. Or else it shows up in, in your body. 44:22 That kind of stress will show up. It will get your attention one way or another. Yeah. Yeah. And it's because we're here to learn lessons. Our soul is here to grow, 44:32 and people in situations are our spiritual assignments and teachers, to add the spiritual element into this. They're showing up... We have opportunities always that challenge us to grow. 44:47 And so the other things I would just say, being aware of where you feel expansive, where you do not, because that helps lead you forward. But how do you focus on the things that make you happy? 44:59 Because what you focus on grows. Hmm. And the clearer you get about your intention is the clearer you come to the, the strategies that get you the results that you want. 45:14 Yeah, so the, another thing that just made me think about is we control what's happening here. Yes. We control what we're letting in. 45:22 You, you hear a lot of talk about negativity these days for various different sources, but maybe you should unplug from it. [laughs] I, I believe. I, I... 45:33 That's one of the things when I say get rid of clutter, one of the first things is get rid of the things that create negativity, and typically that's the media. Yeah. And some of it's social media- Sure... 45:44 depending on what you're clicking onto. But certainly, the news media is about 90% negative. Yeah. And that's a choice. That doesn't mean that 90% of what's happening in the world is negative. 45:57 That is a decision made by TV programming and the news to fuel the economy. Yeah. Because if you feel like you are powerless over your life and have no control over your life, and if you feel hopeless, you're gonna numb. 46:15 Yeah. And that fuels the economy because people go shopping. They numb themselves to fill that void, to avoid feeling those tough emotions. 46:25 I say t- tune that out because then you have a choice as to how you're starting your day, and then you're not being distracted by stupid things- [laughs]... that create arguments with other people. 46:39 People let their energy go off in all these different directions to prove they're right, especially right now with politics, with the virus, with so many things in, in the world right now. 46:51 People have, have gotten into these very strong- Yeah... platitudes of opinions that often prevent them from learning and get in, in the way of those OGs, those opportunities for growth. Yeah, yeah. 47:05 So if you unplug from those things, then you have more time and energy to focus on growth. 47:12 And I think it's a, another positive step where you're taking a step to control what's happening, and your happiness or what you're gonna let into your consciousness in terms of just distraction in general, right? 47:26 We're a mile wide and an inch deep because of all the messaging and notifications we get from all our different mobile devices and whatnot. So making a step to declutter that provides space- It does... for you to do. 47:40 And, and... Yeah. And, and it, it really helps you think about, what am I taking in? Is it negative or positive? And what am I putting out there? 47:48 Because if I'm broadcasting a lot of hate, a lot of negativity, a lot of fear-based messages, that's what I'm bringing back in. Yeah, yeah. 47:58 I'm not gonna get too crazy into the neuroscience, but you made me also think that actually your brain changes. It does. Your physical structure changes based upon what you process through your noggin. 48:12 [laughs] You grow new, new neural pathways, and that's the exciting thing 'cause it used to be believed that, hey, once you got to be, like, about 30, you were done growing. Your brain was shrinking. Mm-hmm. 48:23 And, and I just love this whole you can grow new brain pathways- Yeah... and learn and improve yourself no matter where you are in lifespan. Yeah. 48:34 I can just hear the passion in, in your voice here as you talk about this stuff. Those, uh, pieces of advice are great, and I'm sure that people, um, will wanna connect with you- To hear more. 48:45 But any final thoughts to, to wrap up this episode? I would say my final thoughts are you're a powerful creator of your life. Mm. 48:56 And how you manage transitions, that's huge, because you're gonna have them all through your life. Yeah. You're gonna change. People that you love are gonna leave. New people are gonna come into your life. 49:09 New opportunities are gonna come into your life. You're going to go through different stages, and so be open to the growth and the gifts that are a part of each of those stages of life 49:21 and what that can do for you as a human being. And the big thing is learning tolerance of ourself so that we can tolerate other people- Mm... 49:31 so that we can see the beauty in the world and be a part of the positivity- Yeah... and the things that are working in the world. That's a great message. Great message. 49:42 Carmen, it's been great having you on Titans of Transition podcast. 49:47 [laughs] And I just wanna provide you a little bit of an opportunity, I will put stuff in the show notes of, of references to how to contact you, but just from your own voice, how do people reach out to you if they want to engage with you? 50:01 Okay. I'm gonna first start by giving you my phone number. It is 651- [laughs] 497-7178. Give me a call, shoot me a text. Mm-hmm. You can email me, and I have five different email addresses. 50:18 [laughs] I'll give you those as well. I have a website. It's a little half-baked, because I just haven't put my energy, attention, and focus into having the perfect website, but it's under intentionalityconsulting.com. 50:32 Okay. And I also have a Facebook page, which is on Intentionality Coaching and Consulting Services. So I'm on social media. You can reach out to me there. Email is a great way to reach out to me. 50:49 What I usually do then is to line up a Zoom call, where I can meet with somebody and learn about their situation, talk about how I can be of help to them, and then we go forward from there. 51:02 So what we'll do, just to make it easier, because I'll put all these references uh, Carmen will provide me, into the show notes and into the end card of this video, if you're watching this on video. 51:13 If not, then it'll be in the notes for the audio podcast. So you can easily click, copy, paste, whatever you need to do to get hold of Carmen. Thank you. It's been great. Thanks again. 51:26 Thanks, Jed, uh- And- What a pleasure to see you, and thanks for allowing me to share my story. Ah, it's been a pleasure. I really enjoyed it. Thank you. Likewise. 51:40 [upbeat music] Hey, thanks for joining me today on Titans of Transition. I hope you enjoyed the episode. Please check the show notes for additional information. Also, please like and subscribe to this channel.
